why

i don't know why i am writing.its very subtle question to answer.but one thing i found very clear that to know myself more i have to talk to myself.i don't know why i do anything.to get it recognized, or to satisfy my ego or what?? but one thing is again clear to me that i need freedom from everything.whatever goes against my will always agitates me..why? am i a servent of my mind..or do i have any control over my mind..if i feel a sort of control over my mind my ego starts soaring high..if i am a servent of my mind its again a situation like an ass ..dhobi ka kutaa na ghar ka na ghat ka..at every moment why questions of existence trouble me..i find a sort of frustration in me..this may be due to a feeling of aloneness..on the other hand i don't want to enter into the business of life..how i can make me out of aloneness..should i marry..i always believed that some sort of divine love only can make me free of everything..but now i see that who can love me or whom i can love..again this is the biggest problem in my life..i never bother about eating,money,aquaintances...i believed that if someone can show me a true corse of love i would feel completeness in my life..i feel whatever problems are there in life are due to lack of love only..now i have found that you will find rare people who can love u unconditionally..everybody is bound under a certain boundry..mind is the problem..mind is the boundry..all the problems are created by my own mind..and what is my mind..i clearly don't understand the nature of mind..i am living in complete ignorance..i am just living like a dog..i don't know what i exactly want..from my college time only i find myself a half mind person..means who utilizes least of mind..completely guided by heart..i have started writing because i love myself..i don't have to discuss my thought with anyone..since everybody has their own space.why i should enter unnecessarily into anyone's domain..i want to talk to myself..somebody says that kisi cheej ko poore dil se chaho to wo cheej mi hi jati hai..what to want and why?we are here to fulfill our wantons only..to impress someone, to make life as real as possible,to enter into confusing endless rat race..what to do? our educatin system shows one and only one thing:>> to follow.not your inner self but the path the society has shown to u..i am not free and without a burning desire to know about the existence,mind,love,illusion,reality,truth,false.....i can't be free..love is the path..love is the destiny..love is the goal..love is the idealism..love is melting...love is god and my journey can't stop untill i get the glimpse of love..now while writing i find something reasonable..i am having all trouble because i am unaware of divine love..i am thirsty..but my thirst is roaming around people..let me see where this path of darkness leads me towards..i have heard that giving is love and expecting anything in any form from anyone is lust..but a rare taste of it i have got..i am happy for this moment at least that i am talking to myself..really a feel of freedom at least for a moment..i think i know the answer little bit..why????why i am in pain..why i am writing..let me continue in next writings..